


does the ocean sing to you, too?

by penctagon



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Down Character(s), Anxiety Disorder, Autism Spectrum, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Friends to Lovers, Lowercase, M/M, Medication, Ocean, Personification, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Silence, Skipping Medication, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Water, does that even make sense, i don't know how to tag :(, kind of, lots of personification of the ocean, lots of trips to the beach, they are not explicitly lovers but it's implied through their actions and words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 03:45:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16946358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penctagon/pseuds/penctagon
Summary: under kun’s touch, the ocean was no longer a troublesome force, but a gentle creature nipping at their ankles and yearning for appraisal. the ocean became a tame animal, and kun the beholder of the oceanic mysteries that laid beneath the surface of the shallow waters of the shore.





	does the ocean sing to you, too?

**Author's Note:**

> i had this idea in my drafts since october 2017 and finally decided to put it into action. lukun deserves so much more love. this was not proofread so don't roast me even though i deserve it. thank you
> 
> also this is only one chapter but if i were to name this chapter it would be 'summer in november' cause that sounds poetic as hell so pretend it says that in big letters right below this cool thanks

sometimes it felt like yukhei had been by his side from the start, letting kun grip on to his pinky finger as yukhei proudly paraded them though the neighborhood. that was kun’s thing; holding on to yukhei’s pinky. whenever they walked side by side, it was not yukhei’s entire hand that kun’s fingers encapsulated, but simply his little finger. it was nothing but endearing to the elder.

 

yukhei supposed it stemmed off of the first time they’d met. kun had been five at the time, and was crouched underneath one of the plastic slides on the playground just down the street from yukhei’s brand new house. he was squatting, youthful pink lips puckered up in a concentrated pout, brows crinkled together in concentration. yukhei had been eight, and was supposed to be sticking in his older sister’s sight while she sat on the bench and spoke on the phone, but he saw a small boy with a shiny thing in his hands hiding underneath the slide and was immediately attracted out of curiosity.

 

“hey!” yukhei had chipped, slowly closing the gap of distance between him and the boy. the younger kid’s head snapped up, and he clutched the sparkling object to his chest. he remained wordless, however, and wong yukhei wasn’t just ready to accept silence as a response.

 

“hey!” he quipped again. “whatcha got there?”

 

silence enveloped the pair for a moment more before the younger kid’s lips parted.

 

“it’s a secret.”

 

well. 

 

“secrets, secrets, are no fun, unless you share with everyone,” yukhei chimed without hesitation. talent aback by the bright boy’s forwardness, kun blinked slowly.

 

“huh?”

 

“haven’t you heard that before? secrets are boring. whatcha got there?” yukhei repeated himself. silence, once again, settled over the two like a thick, warm blanket in the midst of a summer day. it was uncomfortable, and kun was starting to sweat a little. he’d never been approached like this before. he’d never had anybody show such immediate interest in any aspect of his life. intimidated, he kept one hand with the object close to his chest, slowly extending his arm out towards the kid with the smile as bright as the sun. he stuck his pinky out, and met the pair of eager brown eyes staring right back at him. 

“promise not to tell?”

 

-

 

yukhei saw kun like nobody else. kun was insightful; he often asked questions that yukhei’s hurried and over excited mind wouldn’t even begin to ponder. kun was also a great problem solver. sometimes it took him time to think things through and process some stuff, but once he got his cognitive gears turning, he seemed to be able to fix any conflict with ease (a trait that yukhei greatly desired). to yukhei, kun was also strong spirited. he knew what he believed in and he stuck to it, no matter the obstacles or challenges that arose. 

 

yet as the years went on, as yukhei let kun hold his pinky underneath the dinner table while the younger spaced out, yukhei would listen to The Adults’ conversations. with capital letters. they thought yukhei wasn’t paying attention, but he was, and it put him in a sour mood every time he listened.

 

kun’s parents called him things like ‘on the spectrum’ and ‘withdrawn’. they spoke in low whispers to yukhei’s parents, talking about some things that yukhei didn’t understand like ‘mental evaluations’ and ‘special education’, ‘transfixions’ and ‘group therapy’. 

even if he didn’t know what these words meant, he knew that the way mr. qian said them meant that they weren’t deserving of high praise. 

 

one night, while kun was sleeping over at the wongs’ place (kun had been eight at the time and his parents were out of town) he looked up some of those big words on his older sister’s computer. she was out, and kun was sleeping peacefully on yukhei’s race car shaped bed. when they talked about ‘the spectrum’, it meant that they were trying to figure out whether kun was autistic or not. and when yukhei read about the symptoms, again, there were more words he couldn’t quite comprehend, but most of them he knew and was not too pleased to read about, because kun was nothing like these depictions of autism. yukhei wouldn’t love kun any less if he was, but he knew that he wasn’t, and he felt as if mr. qian simply weren’t understanding. they also talked about xanax (which took a while to figure out how to spell until the correct search results came up), they were talking about a drug that would help kun become less anxious.

 

as yukhei sat at his desk with his sister’s laptop at ten pm, eyes wide as he absorbed information in the pitch black, he’d heard a rustling behind him.

 

“yuki?” it was kun, sleepily uttering the little nickname he’d given his best friend three years ago. looking behind him, yukhei saw that little eight year old kun was slowly sitting upright in the race car bed, the bright yellow blankets that belong to yukhei wrapped around his shoulders. he was rubbing his eyes tiredly, soft brown hair ruffled and sticking up in some places.

 

“why are you up?” he sniffled, making a grabby-hand towards the eleven year old.

“i got cold without you. come back... what are you looking at?” immediately, yukhei slammed the laptop shut, the both of them jumping slightly at the sudden noise.

“nothing. i was just playing games.”

 

-

 

one thing yukhei absolutely adored about kun was his fascination with the sea. he concluded that kun, in one of his past lives, had been a beautiful mermaid, with a long, shining tail and cool looking gills and glittering skin that sparkled in the beams of sunlight that penetrated the gleaming water.

 

some days, yukhei’s family would make a forty five minute drive to the beach, and more often than not, kun would get to tag along. it didn’t take much begging or pestering, considering the fact yukhei’s parents knew just how much the younger boy meant to him.

on yukhei’s fifteen and a half birthday, his family was making the trek once more, and with his parents in the two front seats, kun and yukhei himself cramped into the back of their little buggy with the windows rolled down, things seemed so peaceful.

 

yes, the point of the trip was to celebrate yukhei’s half birthday, since they couldn't go to the beach on his actual birthday in january, but in all honesty, all he really cared about was getting kun’s mind off of all his recent troubles.

 

"kunnie," he called out, nudging kun from one of his ongoing daydreams. he’d been staring out the open window at the landscape that sped by, beautiful, tall standing trees slowly fading away, revealing an equally stunning shoreline, which meant they were nearing the beach.

 

"mm." kun brushed his bangs out of his eyes and turned to look over at his best friend. he had that smile on his lips, the one that only hinted ever so slightly when he thought of a quirky joke or something amusing he never actually shared, but yukhei would always know it was clever or funny. his eyes were sparkling, too. they always did whenever they went to the beach.

 

"do you think the waves are gonna be as tall as they were last year?" yukhei asked with a big grin, his sandy brown hair whipping around in the wind, as his window was rolled down, too.

 

"i bet. i can feel it," kun quipped immediately, as if the thought had been on his mind for the past several minutes. to that, yukhei just smiled and watched as his best friend turned to stare out the window again, at the rising sun and the dusty sand.

 

sometimes yukhei would wonder to himself (never to kun, he feared the boy would laugh at him or call him stupid-- although he knew kun would never actually insult him like that, knowing how insecure yukhei could be about his intelligence from time to time) if kun’s mind was a camera. he seemed to focus on things for so long, like he was memorizing every nitty gritty detail, down to the shades of a berry or the number of veins in a fallen leaf. like a polaroid developing with time, kun’s extraordinary memory would be able to recall things from days, even months ago, things yukhei would (more often than not) completely forget about.

 

yukhei wondered if kun would ever run out of film to develop, as if one day his brain would say ‘that’s enough.’ and start completely over, with a blank slate, only to develop more and more new rolls of film.

 

-

 

kun admired the beach with fierce adoration. growing up, he would always tell yukhei how he wanted to live in a beach house, right in the sand where he could open the windows and hear the ocean whispering his name each and every night.

 

“the ocean can’t talk, silly,” yukhei would murmur, half distracted by one of his computer games, or perhaps the homework he’d put off until the last minute.

 

“it can. you just have to listen hard enough. if you demand the ocean to speak to you, it’ll get mad and refuse. but if you’re open-minded enough, you just might hear here lullaby,” kun would refute. it would make yukhei think back to The Adults’ conversations, about how kun’s imagination was “spiralling out of control”. he didn’t think it was a bad thing. kun’s imagination took their friendship to wonderful places. maybe when he grew up, kun would be a great storyteller, and yukhei could brag to everybody that he got to hear _the_  qian kun’s stories before anybody else’s.

 

-

 

on yukhei’s fifteen and a half birthday, when he and his family and kun went to the beach, he felt the sand between his toes differently. it felt warmer, and the heat traveled up from his toes, twirling around the muscles of his calves, rocketing through his hip bones, and blowing a gentle, summery breeze through the expanse of his ribcage. he felt especially warm, that day, though the water was freezing and the sun was shying behind a cluster of clouds. 

 

perhaps it was because kun was holding on to his pinky as they kicked off their shoes and raced towards the waves. maybe it was because kun’s laughter drowned out the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, or it could have been the butterflies going wild in the pit of yukhei’s stomach as he watched kun let go of his pinky and leap into the ocean, which seemed so unforgiving until kun entered the water and tamed mother nature’s angry waves.

 

under kun’s touch, the ocean was no longer a troublesome force, but a gentle creature licking at their ankles and yearning for appraisal. one day, yukhei wouldn’t be surprised if mother nature herself parted the waves of the sea just for kun. he wouldn’t be surprised if a pod of dolphins came cackling up to the pair of them, dancing and splashing around like over excited children.

 

sometimes, yukhei felt jealous of kun’s “powers”. whenever he played in the ocean by himself, it felt like he was just splashing around in dirty bathwater. the ocean seemed to take a disliking to him, unless kun was beside him. then, she was gentle, and treated the two of them with kindness.

 

-

 

“i think pearls are much prettier than emeralds or amethysts,” kun had told him one day. yukhei was seventeen, kun had just turned fifteen. it was the middle of november and kun had fallen victim to seasonal depression. he absolutely hated the end of the year, especially the holidays. yukhei never bothered to ask why, figured it wasn’t important, but was always there for kun when he couldn’t get out of bed or make it through the day without feeling exhausted in every way possible.

 

at first, yukhei wondered why kun had chosen to tell him this now, of all times, but he’d learned to stop asking kun ‘why’ a long time ago. for kun, it was never ‘why’, but ‘how’ and ‘what’. he didn’t really seem to care for a purpose to things, but simply how they were what they were.

 

“they’re special,” yukhei agreed, unable to muster up anything more clever or poetic sounding.

 

“very.” kun’s voice was just above a whisper. the two of them were cooped up in kun’s bedroom, studying for finals. it was nearing midnight and yukhei thought his brain was going to explode with the load of physics equations he’d tried to force himself to comprehend.

 

“we should go to the ocean again tomorrow, yukhei,” kun thought aloud. he had long ago lost all interest in the subject he’d been studying, and yukhei had assumed correctly he was daydreaming about the beach again. nowadays, they’d go at least two or three times a month, except for during the colder months in winter.

 

“isn’t it supposed to snow tomorrow?” yukhei frowned, still holding his pencil to his notebook, mid-equation.

 

“you say that as if snow has any effect on how beautiful the ocean is,” kun murmured, though a smile was hinting at his lips. yukhei admired kun’s mouth, always silently and to himself, but he loved the curve of the soft flesh. he loved kun’s pretty lips, but he much more preferred the words that fell from them instead. every sentence kun spoke was like poetry. it had a deeper meaning, and sometimes yukhei didn’t have the patience to search for it, but he knew it was there, and that, he was able to appreciate at the very least.

 

“alright. we’ll go tomorrow then.”

 

-

 

more often than not, yukhei found himself going out of his way to do things for kun. like today, he was driving to the beach with his best friend when it was barely above freezing temperatures outside. undoubtedly, though, yukhei knew that even in below-freezing weather, kun would be able to make the skies feel like sunshine and warm rain was falling down upon them. kun had that sort of magic about him.

 

the trip was the same as it always was with kun. there was no radio or music playing. kun told yukhei when they were younger that the sound would hurt his ears, and that all the radio stations had a weird ringing noise to them. yukhei himself never actually heard the ringing (and he tried, too, spending one night with his portable radio set in his bedroom, his ear pressed against the speakers, trying to hear a ringing noise just so he could understand kun’s discomfort), but he didn’t mind silent rides. it was tranquil, with nothing but the sound of the heater blowing warm air and kun’s gentle breathing,  and the windshield wipers moving back and forth every other minute.

 

silence was something yukhei had grown to appreciate much more thanks to kun. yukhei’s main personality trait was _loud_ , if that could even be considered one. his normal speaking voice could level with what would be kun’s shouting, his laugh was basically a screech, and every move he made, noise followed him. with kun, who was quiet as a mouse, his admiration for silence had grown exponentially. there was a certain beauty to the absence of noise, and although kun couldn’t really explain it, he basked in every moment of it when he was with kun. it was something they could share with ease.

 

“i wonder what she’ll sing to us today,” kun wondered. no matter how many times he stared out the window on their trips to the beach, he always seemed more immersed than the last time. another trait of his that yukhei admired was his endless fascination. he could look at the same floral wallpaper every day for the rest of his life and find a new way to look at it. it was like kun had a thousand minds all bundled up into one. some people found that hard to grasp.

 

at times, the peculiar fascinations of kun’s expansive mind would go untouched because of his medication. the first time kun had started taking prescription drugs was in middle school, and immediately yukhei had noticed a change in his demeanor. he supposed that kun’s anxiety _was_  more controllable with such a medication, but it was weird because his imagination didn’t run as wild. his presence felt heavier, and he seemed tired all the time. when he was on his medication, kun would complain about how his ‘spirit felt tired’ and the words made yukhei himself feel exhausted.

 

today, he could tell that kun had skipped his medication. he wasn’t supposed to, but he told yukhei that he didn’t feel like himself when he was on it, and he never took it when they went to the beach. through brief glances at his best friend, yukhei could see that kun was biting at his thumbnail and his knee was bouncing up and down. he probably had a lot on his mind, his senses were probably in overload. he knew, however, once they reached the calamity of the beach that kun would feel at ease.

 

and as they found their usual parking spot and the snowflakes began to dust the vast opening ahead of them, gently tucking themselves away in the whisps of their hair, the ocean seemed as magnificent as ever. kun hopped over the logs that marked the end of the parking lot, having already peeled off his shoes and thrown them in the back of yukhei’s parents’ car. years ago, yukhei would have scolded kun, telling him to wear his shoes until the shore just in case he stepped on broken glass or something sharp, but gave up after a few tries. besides, he believed that kun could never get hurt, not when the ocean was watching over him with her sharp eyes.

 

kun was the ocean’s precious child, in yukhei’s eyes. the ocean seemed to envelop kun in a wonderful hug every time they visited, like a long-lost child returning to the motherland. although they did not wear their swimsuits today, because of the obviously freezing temperature, that didn’t stop kun from going ankle-deep into the water. it felt like his feet were buried in a pond of ice cubes, but it didn’t hurt. he was so happy to be back with the salty spray of the ocean and her lulling whispers.

 

“i missed you!” he shouted into the void space in front of him. closing his eyes and stretching his arms above his head, the ocean’s roar was no match for kun’s overjoyed laugh. yukhei kept his shoes on, deciding he’d rather not lose feeling in his toes, and sat down on one of the many fallen logs that had been set up around campfire areas over the decades. he watched as kun crouched down so that his rear end was nearly touching the chilly waters, shaking his head a bit. perhaps he was strange to want to feel the water on a day like this, but like aforementioned, yukhei would always go out of his way just to be sure that kun was happy.

 

kun was cupping his hands to his ears at this point, his eyes still shut, a smile gracing his pretty pink lips. indeed, the ocean was singing her graceful song again, one kun had heard many times before, lulling him to sleep on dark, uncomfortable nights, waking him in the morning to breakfast in bed, nursing him when he was just a young child.

 

“i miss you so much.” there was a drastic change in kun’s tone, and at this, the ocean seemed upset. tears stung at the back of kun’s eyes, pooling up and collecting in his waterline, causing his lashes to stick together as he squeezed his eyes shut. the ocean was not happy with the sudden mood swing, and around him, the waves began to clap against one another, like a mother trying to amuse a wailing infant.

 

fierce with emotion, the sea worked feverishly to drag kun’s attention away from drowning in his own thoughts, but it seemed no use.

 

“hey!” yukhei shouted from the shoreline, standing up when he saw how violent the waves had suddenly become. the wind had picked up, too, and the snowflakes felt like sharp blades cutting across the skin of his face.

 

“qian kun!” yukhei gasped, seeing that the ocean didn’t seem too pleased. without hesitation, yukhei began his sprint towards kun’s crouching figure, which now seemed to be trembling slightly as sobs racked his body. “kun, come here!” yukhei’s heart was beating rapidly in his chest. usually, the ocean was so calm when the two of them were here. was it because it was snowing? that winter was just around the corner? or was it something else?

 

“kun!” yukhei called out again, and it seemed as though kun had turned a deaf ear to him, suddenly standing up. the younger of the two looked over his shoulder at yukhei’s figure dashing towards him. although his tears blurred his vision, he could tell that his best friend was worried for him. he had no reason to be, truly. kun knew he would be safe, and the feeling of comfort and relaxation eased his muscles as his mother’s arms wrapped around him, pulling him in for an eternal embrace.

 

-

 

_ breaking: teenage boy faces the same fate as his mother from a decade before, drowning in the unforgiving waters of the ocean _

 

yukhei crumpled up the newspaper after reading the headline, the grimace that seemed now permanently etched into his face deepening. the paper was already three years old, but the story itself seemed to resurface more often than he would like. after all, nobody would understand the full story, not the way yukhei did. the police that questioned him that night were not able to comprehend what yukhei could fully understand, his parents thought he needed therapy and his friends only looked at him with faces of sorrow and pity now.

 

he was twenty one today, but yukhei couldn’t care less about the presents his family members and friends had showered him with today. the most important gift, the one closest to his heart was the pearl that rested in his pocket, against his thigh, one that had been gifted to him thirteen years ago by a boy whose mother was the voice of the ocean.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed :) lukun supporters unite pls i'm so lonely


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